If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I am spending my child support on dildos
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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