i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
