I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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