What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
