Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
