You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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