rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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