theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
so let's talk penis.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
