So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
