My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
