My brain says no but my pants say off.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
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