SEEEEXXX PLEASE
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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