No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
