I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
