Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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