I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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