I got chris browned last night
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
