I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
How naked do you want me to be?
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