I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
