I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
He kissed a someone with a penis
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
