Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Randomize
