FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
