You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
