i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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