I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
