THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
