I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
