John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Randomize
