what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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