As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
