He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
