My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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