I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
