We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
