woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
