Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Be still, my beating vagina.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
