Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
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