I got chris browned last night
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize