Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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