i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
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