I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I think people are normalizing furries
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
