i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
