it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
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