Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize