She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize