I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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