I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
