its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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