May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Randomize
