Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
