You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
