When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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