so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
