I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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