The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize