I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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