Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
