I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
