the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
