Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
