i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
After tacos, we're chasing women.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
