At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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