So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
