I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
