I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
