I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I don't deserve a penis
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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