i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
