i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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