I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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