Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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