either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
