watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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