You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Randomize
