So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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