So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
