I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize