i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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