There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
