I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
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