Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
