She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
