Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
